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| A catharsis of sorts creeps its way into my veins
A metamorphosis of course of which I can't hold back the reins
When all you have is words
When all you can give is time
A chariot rot with care and craft will carry it
A patriot of old for God and country will tarry not
To be the brave bearer of burdens of companions
Large and small
To rage within for the cause
To fight against tragic loss
A symbol of grace that fights for the whole human race
Through my God I will be
In and through that grace you will see
For the remainder
I will be no stranger
To the pain that Christ bore
In the rain battling for
The souls of those who make it a point to be
Not found
Underground
without sound
nowhere around
Eating dust
Craving lust
Judging unjust
Oh we all must
Be spurred we must
Spread the word we must
Get the unction
Learn to function
For soon that horrid thought
Oh that putrid thought
Will be real
The thought of the picture of the words
that is formed in my head
When someone will lecture the words
that are born for the dead
The words too late
Too late
Too late
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| One day I learned that the relative size of the nucleus of an atom to
it's electrons is huge. There's a ton of empty space between the center
and the electron cloud floating around it's outer edge. If an atom were
the size of a stadium the nucleus would be a small marble in the center
of it. If it were the size of the earth an electron would be less than 10 cm in size.
Now
since we and everything around us are made up of atoms, if you were
smaller than an electron you would pretty much be passing through empty
space, all the time.
The next thing that kind of hits me after I
start thinking about this is that matter is essentially compressed
energy. Because of Einstein we know that E = mc^2. If you do some
algebra you get m = E/c^2 or Mass = energy divided by the squared speed
of light! So to me that means that matter is just energy or light
slowed down by a factor of 186,000 miles per second, squared or 34.6
billion times.
This might all be completely bogus but think about it a little, if God made light, then he could make solid stuff out of it.
So
this gets me to the point that freaks me out. We're all just floating
around on pretty much nothing. The only reason we don't fall through
the floor or pass through objects is because everything around us is
the same size as us and so we bump into it. We can open doors, walk on
the ground, stay on the earth, touch people, all because of interacting
electron clouds! We're basically floating around in and made up of
solid light/energy/waves. Stuff that's slowed down enough to bump into
other stuff.
If God hadn't congealed all this light we wouldn't
have been able to interact with each other. We wouldn't be able to talk
to anyone, or see anything, or move around.
The implications of
this are amazing. We have been given the gift of a world that can be
manipulated by the thoughts and actions we take for granted. With this
matter around us that is basically nothing but clumps of light, we have
an entire lifetime to use it for how God wants us to. There's no way we
would exist without him, we too are made of nothing but this dust he
formed. So what better way to thank him than honoring his will in being
kind to one another, for we are here today and gone tomorrow. | | |
| Hi. I've been not posting for almost a month now and well, I guess the
name of this blog has sort of lost it's meaning. It's been a long day
if this is suddenly a "blessed morning."
I am perpetually
blessed by God even when I don't ask him to. Over the course of the
last two weeks I have seen how God has taken me from really low to
really loving him. More and more I understand that being loved and
receiving love are two different things.
God loves me all the time, I don't receive it all the time.
One
thing I've learned about feelings is that when you look forward and up
while in a valley all you can see is the mountain, but when you're at
the top you're able to look down and back and see everything. While in
a low point I am never able to see that I will ever feel anything but
low. While in a high place I wonder why I ever thought I wouldn't be
happy again.
Feelings tell the truth only of the present. Wisdom
tells the truth of all times, hence why it's hard for us to gain wisdom
from single instances of pain or pleasure. We can only see what's here
and now, here and now. God can see what's ahead and therefore know the
truth of all times.
From a comment, a friend pointed out that
God IS love. He be's love. Therefore him loving himself, loving Jesus
and by extension loving us, is a matter of being, not a matter of
choice. He IS and because he is, he loves us. God can't love something
that isn't pure. Jesus made us pure. We're in Jesus. He loves himself,
he loves Jesus, he loves us. It's a positional thing, a location, not
an action. No amount of action moves that location in Jesus. We are in
Christ therefore we are loved.
Also, I am sensitive. I realized
this today. I've known it for a long time and it has been a weakness I
never liked. However I think I've found a very wonderful purpose for
it. In fact there are many purposes it serves. My sensitivity makes it
hard for me to like alcohol, so I don't drink, or get drunk very much,
which means my brain remains clear. My sensitivity makes me feel
others' feelings, therefore I am more compassionate and can help heal
hearts. My sensitivity makes me open to God's voice and his spirit,
therefore I can hear the music he wants me to write, the words he wants
me to say, the thoughts he wants me to put down.
My
sensitivity is a blessing as much as I view it as a weakness. It's the
grace God has blessed me with to never be able to shut my ears or my
eyes to suffering. To never be able to ignore pain in others. To not
despise the beauty around me. To not be so focused on just me or my
world. I'm all ears, eyes, nose, mouth, and hands. I can feel because
I'm sensitive to the air around me. So I will embrace that and thank
God for it. Because without it, I wouldn't be who I am. | | |
| Sin can go on for a lifetime and not seem to have any consequences, as
I mentioned in my previous post. This is one of the dangers of sin. It
masks itself as something that is "ok to continue." Only when the sin
causes us some kind of pain, mental or physical, do we wonder what
could possibly be wrong.
From my psych classes I learned that,
in training an animal, the synchronicity of events matters. When you
place a reward directly after a desired action, along with a neutral
stimulus, eventually the desired action will occur in the presence of
only the neutral stimulus. The famous example of this being Pavlov's
dogs. Further studies were done and it was discovered that animals
learn best only if the reward and the desired action are paired within
a few moments of each other. With each successive moment away from that
action, the animal has trouble associating the two. It's the same with
us.
Until our actions result in a negative consequence we'll
just go on glibly without remorse for them. Our conscience may get
piqued, or our spirit may hear from God, but more often than not we
ignore those warning signs. With each successive action without a
consequence it becomes easier to justify, and easier to ignore the
warnings. For example, I know that I need to go to bed early or I'll
wake up tired. In fact I did this last night. I went to bed at 1:00am
and had a real tough time waking up at 7:00. The consequence is so far
apart from the action, and the justifications are so strong I have a
real hard time associating the two, at least enough to take action.
Sin
in some forms continues for years without a consequence. Michael Bahey,
the man who founded Porn Nation (an organization to raise awareness of
the dangers of pornography), didn't experience any extremely adverse
consequences for over 10 years. He was married, had children and a
great job. But then his addiction to pornography led subtly into an
affair, which led to a divorce, which led to losing his family and job.
He's an extreme case but there are other dangers that sin can easily
manifest after years of no consequences.
So that's why I need to
realize that I've been given a memory, an advanced mental capacity (in
comparison to animals) and a consciousness in order to connect
disparate events. I have also been given warnings, in the form of
people like my parents, the form of words from the bible, and of
examples in my own personal life. I can take action and change the
things in my life, in the strength of Jesus redemptive power, to avoid
the sufferings that come as a consequence of prolonged sin.
Without
using those gifts that were graced upon us we won't learn without
suffering. Not to say that suffering isn't going to happen if we don't
sin, but much unnecessary suffering can be avoided by connecting events
and heeding warnings.
So heed the rebukes you receive, listen
to the warnings you hear, notice the examples around you, and learn
from the previous consequences you have suffered. For just because you
don't feel any pain now, doesn't mean you won't in the future. However,
don't worry about these things as if they were all life and death, God
will be faithful to put his finger on them in your life. The Holy
Spirit will guide you as you allow him to search you and know your
anxious thoughts. | | |
| The first sin of man was Pride, "the movement whereby a creature (that
is an essentially dependent being whose principle of existence lies not
in itself but in another) tries to set up on its own, to exist for
itself." (The Problem of Pain
C.S. Lewis) We are entirely dependent on God to survive, whether or not
we acknowledge it is up to our free will. The very fact that God allows
free will means that we have been given the option to live without any
contact with God. But the issue arises that since we are dependent on
this "other" how can we expect to survive if we don't draw from it?
If
we grew up in a Christian home, or even a moral home, our parents
taught us to obey their authority so that, when we became of the
appropriate age, we would obey the greater authorities. This was done
in order for us to be law abiding citizens, or willingly say to God
"here am I, send me." We understand obedience to God because of our
obedience to God's authority wielders. In the same way, we were
dependent on our parents for every need growing up. When we came to the
appropriate age we became independent. Now, you would think that this
would result in the same conclusion, independence from parents,
independence from God. However, God calls us to grow ever more
dependent on him. In fact the natural order that God intended was
complete dependence in every aspect.
Adam and Eve in the garden had such a relationship with God, that involved giving up their selves,
it was a choice but a very easy choice then. The concept of self was
there but it was not sullied by the history of the human race, or
tempted as such by the world system that is in place today. Yet, they
had the same directive that we have today: die daily to the self that
lies within in order to become more yourself. God designed us to be
vessels, open containers, that give and receive freely to and from God.
He designed all of humanity to live in such a way that nothing is
owned, it is shared and given. I'm not advocating communism, I'm
pointing out that we weren't meant to be independent.
The world
around us is screaming for us to rely on no one but ourselves. To throw
off any measure of authority that might hold us down. So no wonder it
is difficult to realize how dependent we should be. I've been taught my
whole life to create my own empire, to make sure that every action I
take is beneficial to me and my kingdom. But my strength will
eventually fail. Even if it never failed and I became rich and famous,
my design would still be the same, I would still require the things
that only my Designer can provide.
This idea of dependence makes
it clear why Jesus said it was practically impossible for those with
much wealth, to enter the kingdom of heaven. Since all their needs are
taken care of and all their actions seem right to them, they will
rarely come to a place where their independence from God is visible.
Whereas those on the street corners, or living lives of debauchery,
will more readily come to a place of need.
The problem with sin
is that it works for awhile and for some their entire lives. It shades
us in a veil of darkness, and only pain or suffering can ever wake us
up from that, to turn to God. God humbly accepts us even when we come
to him with nothing to give, because, well, we have nothing to offer
except ourselves. | | |
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